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TypoWatch: Salesforce.com speaks Alaskan

One can't help but wonder whether Marc Benioff, CEO and co-founder of Salesforce.com, is planning to enter politics. In a new book, The Developer's Guide to the Force.com Platform published by Salesforce.com, you'll find the following:

Yep. They're dropping the letter 'g'. That can only mean one thing: Getting folksy in preparation to run for office.

Amazon.com falsifying product returns data

There are problems in the warehouse at Amazon.com and someone is trying to cover them up. I've written a couple times lately about how Amazon.com, for years the undisputed gold standard of how to run a business right, is suddenly showing some unsightly dings in their shiny paint job.

On February 6, I wrote about how Amazon.com is making costly mistakes by failing to package products adequately for shipping. I included a photo of a box full of Christmas presents that was nearly destroyed in transit because 1) it was poorly packaged in the first place and 2) it appears UPS ran over it with an entire convoy of fully-loaded delivery trucks before deciding it was in good enough shape to leave on my doorstep.

That box was one of three or four that I returned over the course of a month or so. I just assumed that Amazon.com was so overwhelmed with the volume of orders over the holidays that they had temporarily scaled back on their packaging—a costly mistake in the end. They may save a few minutes and a penny or two worth of paper on the initial order, but what they're failing to calculate is the enormous cumulative cost of the:

1. time of the customer service rep who has to process the return
2. box and packing material to ship the replacement
3. shipping for the item being returned
4. shipping for the replacement item
5. ding on their reputation for the bad customer experience

And then there is the enormous environmental impact of every botched order essentially having to be shipped three times...

So where does the falsifying of product returns data come in? I received two e-mails from Amazon.com this morning letting me know that my returns had been received and processed. I received one a few days ago, but just glanced at it briefly. I'll go back and look more closely now. For every single item I returned, I chose, "Product arrived damaged due to insufficient packaging" from their pull-down list of options in their online product return form. Apparently someone in shipping (or higher up) at Amazon.com didn't like what that would do to their numbers.

If you click on the image here, you can view a full-size version and find that Amazon.com changed every one of my stated reasons for returning each damaged item. One of them says, "Item is defective" and the other four say, "I accidentally ordered the wrong item." Seeing as how all five items were books and that they shipped the exact same five books to replace the ones damaged in the first shipment, this shouldn't even go unnoticed within the company. Why would you ship someone a replacement for an item that they accidentally ordered wrong? If this isn't throwing up red flags all over in Amazon.com's system then they're a much less sophisticated machine than I've always thought. And less honest, as well.

Oh, and the second e-mail I received today? It was also for a book that they'd shipped the exact same way. It arrived with one corner smashed and bent. For that return, I called and spoke with a customer service rep. She was very friendly and I explained the problem and expressed my frustration with the recent trend of poor packaging. She was very sympathetic and said she'd make a note of it in the system. But in the e-mail (which you can view by clicking on this image), the reason for my returning the book is listed as: "Product became damaged/defective after arrival."

Amazon.com going out of business?

They will if they continue on their current track. I received the rest of my order that I wrote about yesterday, including the book that arrived damaged the first time around. Despite the customer service rep telling me that she'd make a note that the book hadn't been properly packaged, this one arrived in the exact same packaging. By sheer luck, it was in good shape. Not so for the other three items in the order. I received two books and a Krups coffee grinder, each in a separate package. I'm returning all three due to damage caused in transit.

One of the books was just wrapped in cardboard and one corner is completely smashed. The other book was partially shrink wrapped around a piece of cardboard in a box—and one corner is completely smashed. Ironically, it appears the corner was smashed by the shrink wrapping. The Krups coffee grinder was in a box three times it's size with one small, half-inflated shipping pillow inside that is far too small to do any good (see the photo; click for a larger view). The product packaging is dirty, but not damaged. But there's something rattling around inside.

A friend of mine who worked for UPS once told me to never ship anything via UPS that I wouldn't drop from five feet in the air onto concrete. Because it happens fairly frequently. It's not that UPS is playing hockey with customer packages. It's just that these boxes go through all kinds of hands, conveyer belts, road trips, etc. in a volume that doesn't allow for kid gloves handling. It's up to the shipper to package things to withstand the trip. Amazon used to do a great job, but seems to have completely forgotten that fact in the last few months.

I'm not going to give up on Amazon.com yet, but if I ever have to return four products in two days again I'll be closing my more than decade-old account and taking my business to their successor. There's no way they'll stay in business if they continue like this.

**************************

Update - 2008.02.07 @ 10:03pm: Since posting the above, I've received a number of follow-up e-mails from Amazon letting me know that they've already shipped all the replacement items via next day air. That's pretty impressive. Their customer service is definitely the best in the business by far. They just need to fix their packaging problems so their customers don't have to contact customer service so often.

Amazon.com is making costly mistakes

Amazon.com is cutting costs in the wrong places and likely costing themselves customers and a great deal of money in the end. I try to shop local whenever I can and have given Powell's far more money than I'd ever want to know. But I do find Amazon indispensable from time to time.

They've always been great about packaging books and other products—sometimes almost going overboard on the amount of packing material inside the box. I actually thought about suggesting to them once that they cut back for environmental reasons. Well, they've done that and then some. Since last December, I've been receiving orders from them with no packing material in the box at all. The box in the photo here arrived exactly as it's shown. I have no idea how the UPS driver thought it was a good idea to leave it on my porch in that condition! It was partly Amazon's fault too, though, as there was no packing in the box to keep the items inside from rattling around and getting covered with dirt once there was a hole in the box. All five or six of the Christmas presents in the box were damaged and had to be returned. To Amazon's credit, there was no wait to talk with a customer service rep by phone and the replacement books arrived the next day.

I received a book today that was wrapped in cardboard with no plastic wrap or anything to protect it. The back cover is damaged in two different places. I contacted Amazon and they're sending a replacement. If they're trying to cut costs by cutting back on packaging, they're getting it all wrong. If my experience is any indication, they're having to ship a fairly high percentage of their orders twice, as well as pay costs for the return of the damaged products.

Overheard: Number one or number two?

Powell's guy: Number one or number two? I have to clean the bathroom.
Customer: Uh... Number one. I'll hurry.

I was coming out of the bathroom at Powell's Books on Hawthorne yesterday evening and a guy who'd been waiting started to go in. A Powell's employee came up and said the above. I nearly tipped over. I've seen them turn people away before, but I've never heard them ask for the particulars of someone's intended activities.

Technorati Tags: overheard

Just plain wrong magazine layout and copy

I picked up Wine Press Northwest magazine for the first time the other day at New Seasons Market. It's a great magazine covering, as the title describes, all things having to do with wine in the Pacific Northwest.

I've always been a spelling and grammar queen, but I rarely pay much attention to page layout. This page in the Winter 2006/2007 issue of Wine Press Northwest is definitely the exception.

At least two-thirds of the page is taken up by an advertisement with only a narrow column on the right, running into the center fold, occupied by copy. Guess what they chose to squeeze in there? The article title reads:

3 NW winemakers die

There wasn't enough room to at least spell out the number three; the correct way to spell a number that begins a sentence. Especially one announcing the passing of not one, but three human beings. Not only that, but the title also gives the impression that these three individuals died in a single indcident, but that isn't the case. They were just all lumped into one cramped, sliver of a blurb.

There is just so much wrong here. I realize that Wine Press Northwest is a small publication with no doubt a very small staff. To modify an oft-quoted parents' admonition: When talking about something as sensitive as people passing away, if you can't say something nicely, don't say it at all.

Technorati Tags: advertising, design, layout, magazine, Oregon, copywriting

Qwest DEX telephone directories: 2,162 pages of waste

Does the bag to the right look familiar? If you live in the Portland, Oregon area, it should. Chances are you found one sitting on your porch recently. The question is, will you use it? I want to acknowledge up front that I'm a bit of a tech geek and probably have more options than many for looking up phone numbers electronically—online, via cell phone, etc. But more options are coming out all the time for even the most non-geeky among us to get the information we need electronically.

I don't think I've touched a printed telephone directory in years except for when I've found myself in an area where I don't have Internet access or cell phone service. Which isn't very often—once every few months or so at most. And never at home. I'd rather save the thousands of pages of paper by calling directory assistance should I find myself stranded offline.

Qwest's own research must show that hardly anyone uses these things anymore. The problem is, there are huge sums of money to be made by printing and distributing them, even though they go straight to the recycle bin. Qwest makes money, the printers make money, the delivery agents make money and so forth. What I don't understand, though, is why advertisers continue to throw their money in the recycle bin.

I went to the DEX Media site and tried to get a feel for numbers. They've very cleverly phrased everything so as to mask any numbers other than gross distribution. To me, this means they recognize the problem.

Dex directories reach far across our 14-state region, providing 44.6 million¹ households or businesses...

Wow! I don't know how that 44.6 million breaks down between homes and businesses, but I have to think that phone books at businesses—at least offices where most people have Internet access available to them—are used even less than in homes. When is the last time you went searching for the phone book at your office?

Other cute bits include:

Florists: did you know?
94% of people who use the Yellow Pages follow up with a flower purchase.

Every other piece of usage-related information on the site is like this. That could be 94% of 100 people total. If you're an advertiser, this means nothing.

Anyway, this is not meant to be an exhaustive research piece—just observations based on my own experience.

Someone in Washington DC blogged about this recently, as well:

Look! Phone books! Wow. I cannot believe they still make those things. I guess there are still couches missing legs. Or maybe it's a cheap way to heat when firewood runs low.

DC Phone Book Waste - Metroblogging DC

Outstanding Neil Gaiman interview

I had the great pleasure of seeing Neil Gaiman speak here in Portland just over a year ago. If you have the chance to see him, don't miss it.

I have a lot of friends who follow his work closely, so I want to let everyone know that there is a great interview with him on Bookslut.

Read the interview now and hear from Neil about:

The stupidity of signing for everyone.
The loveliness of Brazilians.
His open relationship (with his fans).
Avoiding cat enemas.
The effectiveness of cat pheromones.
His odd relationship with Kathy Acker.

And that's just the beginning...

An Interview with Neil Gaiman | Bookslut

I know what you read last summer -- and last week

Want to gain some insights into your neighbors' personal lives? Just wander over to your local branch of the Multnomah County Library (Portland, Oregon) and see what they're reading. You think I'm kidding? Read on.

I had let my library account lapse and was excited to finally get a new one. I went to the Multnomah County Library website, logged in and requested that a couple books be sent to my local branch—the Belmont Library. Just days later I received an e-mail telling me my book had arrived. I've been swamped and so didn't make it in for a few days. Knowing what I know now I'll pick my books up the moment they arrive—if I use the service again.

I walked into the library and, right up front with the new arrivals and other books was a shelf labeled "Holds for Pick Up." Sticking out of each book is a white sheet of paper with names in large print. You don't have to have good eyesight or look closely to read them.

"No... this can't be...," I thought.

It was. Seeing they are ordered alphabetically, I went to the other side of the shelf. There must be close to a thousand books in total waiting to be picked up. Sure enough, there was the book I'd requested with my name in large, bold print sticking out the end.

"I wonder who else has books here?," I wondered, not really thinking I'd see the names of anyone I knew. Almost immediately I saw the name of my former landlord. I literally tried to look away, but couldn't help but see the title of the book before doing so. Not only can you see what your neighbors are reading—it's hard to avoid doing so! And for those who want to stalk their neighbor's reading habits, it couldn't be any easier.

Who on earth came up with this privacy-robbing, insane idea?! Lazy library clerks? Karl Rove? It's scary and pathetic that a system this involved made it all the way through to implementation—and just as sad that there hasn't been a deafening uproar about it.

I saw Jack Hirschman read at City Lights Books in San Francisco

It looks like 70 is the new 60. I went with a friend to see Jack Hirschman read from his latest tome, The Arcanes, at City Lights Books in San Francisco. Jack Hirschman is 73 years old, but is as spry, energetic and clear-spoken as I imagine he must have been a decade or two ago. The newly appointed Poet Laureate of San Francisco spoke of his recent trip to Venezuela and his participation in an event featuring poets from all over the world. His enthusiasm and passion were riveting. The only bummer came when I went to buy a signed copy of the book: They were asking $64 for it! As much as I wanted a copy, I just couldn't justify spending $64 on it.

From the City Lights website:

The Arcanes represent, in Jack Hirschman’s vast poetic production, a fundamental and extraordinary element, the most advanced point of his questing. It comprises 126 long and orchestrated compositions, collected from more than thirty years of a particular poetic inquiry, which ground the political engagement and social themes, ever present in his poetry, with stormy leaps of mind, heart and soul, and personal events and references...

The Arcanes look at the life and at history, at the happenings and changes in the contemporary world, at the decline and agony in western civilization, at the role of new systems of communication, at the struggles of the new movements, at the horrors of wars that are never just. But Hirschman always succeeds in giving a sign of hope, confident as he is in human beings and above all in poetry.

Before going to the reading, we had a pint of Stella at Vesuvio. The thing that caught my eye the first time I walked past on a previous trip down was the lettering that runs along the front of the building: "itching to get away from... Portland, Oregon." I still don't know what that means or why it's there.

Beat Generation dwindles, but Hirschman remains - SFGate.com